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Coping With The 2018 49ers' Failures

(originally written 10/21/18)

(Early afternoon, after listening to a little Michael Jackson)
(Mid-afternoon, after listening to Half #1 of the 49ers game)
ME: "God damnit."

I didn't expect the San Francisco football team to beat the undefeated Rams, but I did expect the San Francisco football team to capture my interest here and there. An exciting run or two. Maybe a sweet toe-drag catch. Possibly breaking up a pass on third down with the score still close.
As it were, the most interesting point in this game was trying to figure out which obscured 49er was injured after Todd Gurley's third touchdown. (Turns out it was—who else?—Reuben Foster, who can't go more than three quarters without being helped off the field.)


I'm well aware C.J. Beathard is not going to outdo Jared Goff on a football field in the year 2018. Maybe in a game of chess, or a limbo competition, but not in an NFL game. It's just being realistic.
But I'd hoped C.J. and friends would at least compete. Give us a little hope, as they did against the Packers last week. Make us feel that, with a couple of good breaks, the outcome might be favorable.

Provide us a reason to hoist up our beers.
They provided us many reasons to puke up our beers.

As the first half ended, I happened to be 3.5 miles east of the carnage, cruising up Interstate 880 on a pastrami sandwich hunt. One could actually see stink lines eminating from the general area of Levi's Stadium as he/she passed its exit. Even homeless dudes held their noses.

The ass whooping wasn't a complete disaster, at least for me personally.

Along with every other SF fan, I was initially peeved when—following a turnover—Gurley marched eight yards untouched for his first TD...until remembering Gurley's my Fantasy Football SuperStud. He ended up giving me 28.6 points, bless his braided heart.

(Speaking of Gurley, I'd been trying to figure out whose love child he is for a solid year now; turns out it's Snoop Dogg and Marlon Wayans. Better sleep awaits.)

My other starting running back, the 49ers' Matt Breida, has been listed off-and-on as "questionable" in the injury report for going on a month now. For that reason, I've benched him two straight weeks—which proved genius today when his ankle flared up almost immediately, resulting in a robust -0.50 point performance. (His fantasy replacement put up 4.30, BTW.)

Back to the Niners...
On Thursday, I walked through Costco with my SF cap on, earning praise from a fellow fan sporting a SF shirt. We were both aware of our team's 1-5 record. We were both aware that record would fall to 1-6 three days later, unless Goff and Gurley were caught on tape beating the s--- out of Betty White or something.

And yet, there we were, showing our red-and-gold pride.

Us true fans will always support the 49ers, even when they seem to be playing for the #1 pick in the 2019 draft. If they didn't lose me during the Erickson/Nolan eras, they ain't gonna lose me now. (For non-fans, that was the Lewinsky of our team/fan marriage, but I'm not here to talk about the past.)

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