Invalidating Kobe's Championship

(originally written 6/18/09)

For years, it was "Oh, Kobe couldn't win without Shaq." Well, Kobe finally won without Shaq, yet we all know all the qualifying won't stop there.

 

Next, they will say: 

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he wins without Phil Jackson as head coach."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he wins without Kurt Rambis as assistant coach."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he sweeps an opponent."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he wins three titles in a row without Shaq on his team."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he wins three titles in a row WITH Shaq on his team, but trying to sabotage all his efforts on-and-off the court."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he scores the series-clincher over Bryon Russell (as Michael Jordan did)."

 

And if they manage to coax Russell out of retirement, and Kobe pulls that off—which shouldn't be too hard as Russell has been retired for five years—they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he averages 50 points a game in the Finals."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he scores all of his team's points in the Finals."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he wins the Finals while sporting cornrows."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he wins the Finals while battling swine flu."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he wins the Finals with no one else on his team at all, not even a head coach."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he wins the Finals while simultaneously commuting to and from Boulder to battle rape charges."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he wins three straight Finals while commuting to and from Boulder to battle rape charges."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he wins three straight Finals while engaging in combat in Iraq on off-days."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he beats LeBron James in the Finals." (He tried this year, but LeBron didn't hold up his end of the deal by making it to the Finals himself.)

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he beats LeBron James and Shaq in the Finals." Could happen in 2010.

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he beats LeBron James and Shaq in the Finals, as they're being coached by Phil Jackson."

 

(Note: If LeBron doesn't make the Finals, they will try to somehow criticize Kobe for not doing enough to ensure he squared off against his biggest rival for the title)

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he can win the Finals under 1952 rules."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he can win the Finals wearing the #24 AND alternately, the #8."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he wins the Finals under his given name and under a Muslim name with 'Abdul' in it."

 

And if he pulls that off, they will say:

 

"Kobe's not a champion until he can win the Finals while averaging more points per game than salary."

 

There you have it. 

See if I'm wrong.

And go Warriors.