Night Visions Main

"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.'" -- Ben Franklin

Codes: "IRL" = "in real life". "INV" = "in Night Vision", meaning untrue in real life. 

"Skip" means a sudden transition from one segment to another. "The 1250" references my childhood home, a (too) frequent setting for my visions. Josie is my daughter, and most of my life has been spent with Chicken and Alex as friends. Any other people referenced, past jobs worked at or life experiences are real unless otherwise noted. 



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Night Visions Hall Of Fame



(Dates of awakening listed)

He Went FROM The Danger Zone (October 19, 2020)

Things begin at the Chase Center (where the Golden State Warriors play); I'm seated way up high with old buddy B.J. watching the action. Then I peer down and realize there is absolutely no protective barrier of any kind—just like that, I nope outta that dangerous scene and wind up shooting some One Life To Live scenes with very attractive gals. This seems to be going well until a sudden skip to a local neighborhood market.

I buy some goods and head to line, where Kenny Loggins allows me to cut in front of him. "You were the greatest teacher ever!!!" I sob, for God knows what reason. Loggins responds appropriately by moving to another line; end vision.

Wrong Sport (October 15, 2020)

I am playing football, on my way to a long touchdown run. Over my right shoulder is LeBron James, running at full speed attempting to execute his signature chasedown block. Halfway through his jump he realizes there's nothing TO block since we're playing football, not hoops, so he just lands on my back. I carry him to the end zone before the vision skips to even less interesting stuff.

Thanks For Stopping By, Joel! (October 8, 2020)

In the 1250 driveway, I play a game of strikeout with Joel Osteen. He displays a surprisingly good batting eye, and at one point hits a foul ball right into a jar on the balcony. "Praise Lord," he utters. Then suddenly, Osteen morphs into a special-needs woman from my past, who takes one swing and falls into a tarp.

Two large stray dogs pop out from under the tarp; they aren't dangerous but they are dirty, so I hose them off (as one stands up for maximum cleaning.)

Get Your Own Window! (October 7, 2020)

At the local grocery store, I spend way too much time trying to track down NBA stars LeBron James and Andre Iguodala guarding each other even while shopping. Finally, I give up and go outside...but my car is gone. While searching, I learn 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo is responsible for wrecking several of my uncle's cars, which are piled in a corner. Detective Skillz.

Skip to Josie's school; we pick up her friend who is crying because "they" took her window (?) I leap into hero mode, stop an administrator's car, and rip the entire window right out of the door. Josie's friend is more confused than grateful.

Finally, on a camping trip, my buddy Jon directs me to the top of a cliff, then throws a football about six feet over my head. Uh...trying to send a message?

By "This", I Mean Nuts (October 5, 2020)

Old teammate Eddie tells me he crashed his jet ski while staring at boobs. Unhurt, he wants me to talk him out of future risky behavior. I start to do just that, but when he argues, I burst into tears "I GREW UP WITHOUT A DADDY, AND THAT'S WHY I'M LIKE THIS NOW!!!" It seems to resonate.

That Baby Must Be Light (October 3, 2020)

I have a new baby with my ex, and we build his basinet out of Construx.