Night Visions Main

"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.'" -- Ben Franklin

Codes: "IRL" = "in real life". "INV" = "in Night Vision", meaning untrue in real life. 

"Skip" means a sudden transition from one segment to another. "The 1250" references my childhood home, a (too) frequent setting for my visions. Josie is my daughter, and most of my life has been spent with Chicken and Alex as friends. Any other people referenced, past jobs worked at or life experiences are real unless otherwise noted. 



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Night Visions Hall Of Fame



(Dates of awakening listed)

Beef Theef (July 21, 2021)

Things begin at some random house where me and several buddies are kicking it. We decide to BBQ, and I decide rather than going to a store for some ground beef...why not retrieve some from the 1250, where I have not lived in forever??? My mission is somehow successful, but when I return to the house, it is now populated by former MLB star Hunter Pence.

While the meat thaws, I try to create an accurate likeness of Pence for a video game, but he won't stay still.

Bad Guys Get Hammered (July 20, 2021)

Terrorists force me and other guys to write one of their wife's name in Arabic. I get fed up and take them all out with tools before speeding off. Later, Ned Flanders the tax collector vents to Homer Simpson about the painting he received of someone's "behind".

Razors For Nothing And My Kicks For Free (July 16, 2021)

I befriend the comedian Molly Lloyd while buying shoes and razors at Target, and take my place in line. The woman behind me is booted from the store for not wearing a mask; the cashier follows her out and then makes a call from some mystery booth. A cop car enters the store, and it immediately closes, so I take my stuff and split with the intent to pay later.

Outside, I offer to escort Lloyd away from the weird semi-protest parking lot scene, but she declines and I wind up drinking iced coffee with my buddy Rob while listening to Phil Collins singing over the beat to "Jack & Diane" by John Mellencamp.

That's A FORM Of Entertainment...(July 14, 2021)

A speech from local radio host Rick Tittle to Raider fans is interrupted, and he's asked to take the company car to get drinks for the crowd. I'm on the scene as well, and spot five helicopters (presumably military) take flight in an effort to entertain the crowd. Next thing I know they're all crashing to the ground with me dodging the wreckage. The vision ends with sobbing widows pressed up against the copters as I look on.

Distracted Pretty Easily (July 13, 2021)

I'm busy at a local field warming up with MLB All-Stars when I spot a woman breastfeeding. After that I completely lose my coordination and repeatedly hit myself in the ear whenever throwing.

Yeah, THAT'S Why I'm Not Eating The Beans (July 12, 2021)

My old pal Ed is fired up as The Eurhythmics plays. I pretend to DJ more music and he hits me with rubber bands.

Next, I'm a student at a school for slow kids. Despite that, I'm asked to help with an escaped classmate. Eventually he's corralled and returned to class while I'm ignored collapsed in the bushes. When I make my way back to class, the classmate is grubbing through my green beans and I skip lunch entirely.

(July 9, 2021)

Josie is doing poorly driving a bus because she's indecisive (not because she's 11?), so the Golden State Warriors consider trading her. Evidently I think ex-Warriors coach George Karl can help and I prepare to co-interview him in a professional kitchen, but when I pause to eat some chocolate bread sitting out, my partner takes over the interview and I get no words in.

Lastly, I help an All My Children character preserve and implant her eggs in a car somehow. Her partner is thankful.

His Middle Name, Perhaps? (July 6, 2021)

Josie asks me about the actor Dean Cain, so I explain. She has a sleepover with some weird contraption at the 1250; I apologize to all for "stealing money". Then I watch the IRL not-yet-released 2021 United State of Pop mashup called "Colour Of Love", filmed mostly in black and white.

Finally, Kramer from Seinfeld picks one of my hoop outfits for a big announcement, which is never heard.

I'm Sorry, Whoever You Are (July 4, 2021)

I'm making ribs, but am interrupted by Jerry Rice, who wants to talk quarterbacks and The Young & The Restless. Somehow this offends an Italian chef who had been assisting me without my knowledge.

No Time For Skillz (July 3, 2021)

In a liquor store, I play "basketball" which is throwing a straw object into a trash can. But my opponent quits to smoke outside and when I return inside, it is now a sporting goods store run by Bonta Hill and Kate Scott of 95.7 The Game (San Francisco Bay Area). I try to help, but neither of them will let me near the register.

Fliers, Not Criers (July 1, 2021)

As I sit in my mom's apartment, I learn on TV that a no-name Baltimore Oriole has been stabbed to death and break into sobs. Mama returns totally unconcerned with my sobbing; rather, she wants to discuss the fliers she'd been distributing to her neighbors (very late at night). Then Rick Schroder needs an address, but I accidentally give him 292 instead of 892.