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Night Visions, October 2020

Codes: "IRL" = "in real life". "INV" = "in Night Vision", meaning untrue in real life. 

"Skip" means a sudden transition from one segment to another. "The 1250" references my childhood home, a (too) frequent setting for my visions. Josie is my daughter, and most of my life has been spent with Chicken and Alex as friends. Any other people referenced, past jobs worked at or life experiences are real unless otherwise noted. 



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Night Visions Hall Of Fame



(Dates of awakening listed)

Must Be Some Strong Rope (October 29, 2020)

It's a Judge Judy episode and I'm in the audience. The defendant is questioned, responding "I ain't goin' to Miami. I got warrants there." At some point an emergency unfolds outside the room; Byrd—who, of course, has been in this room at least 5,000 times—can't find the fire extinguisher  and seems ready to cry until I point it out to him. 

Skip to me at Target, waiting on my cousin's shift to end. A manager evidently doesn't like me just standing around, so I'm forced to apply for a job there. The application room is up through the ceiling and I have to climb a chair to reach a rope ladder. (Why I'm agreeing to do this is not explained.) I reach the room and there's my old pal Rob, smiling widely, seeming as if he lives in the room.

Lastly, me and others re-enact the Beverly Hills, 90210 opening in the 1250 bathroom.

I Need To Stay Indoors More (October 26, 2020)

I'm house-sitting for my mom; when an acquaintance, "Bob", walks in, Mom's INV dog and snail (?) run outside. The snail is impaled by a yellow syringe full of...something. I put it off to the side, round up the dog, and return to find the snail six feet tall and attached to the wall. As I work to dislodge it, "Bob" is ridiculously unhelpful and I finally banish him.

Skip to me in the 1250 driveway, bawling as I thank my uncle for protecting my mom (from what?) He is soon replaced by my kid's 4th-grade teacher, who discovers a woman in one of our trees. The two of us reach the roof and fire melons at her until she is subdued. Then we all sort of laugh about the ordeal.

Next, I'm at my old elementary school parking lot, playing catch with my kid's mom...until I tire of her wild, hard throws and recruit a former IRL teammate, Tito, who just happens to be present. When we realize school is actually in session, we listen in on an outdoor lesson as if this is routinely done in America.

Lastly, NFL loudmouth Jalen Ramsey is reported to have killed himself, news which wouldn't exactly upset some of his peers IRL.

"Oh, That's Probably Just Ketchup" (October 22, 2020)

At the 1250, an episode of Law & Order: SVU breaks out, with a gunman blowing some guy's head off as he enters the house with his young son. The victim is then thrown into a creek down below. So as not to traumatize the boy further, Fin "calls 911" and "instructs" the recovery team to rush the dad to the hospital. Despite the gaping hole in his papa's head, the son seems placated.

Skip to NCIS: Los Angeles; a bomb goes off outside the command center as the team works on a Construx model. The Construx is barely damaged, and all of the team is accounted for...except Hetty...

He Went FROM The Danger Zone (October 19, 2020)

Things begin at the Chase Center (where the Golden State Warriors play); I'm seated way up high with old buddy B.J. watching the action. Then I peer down and realize there is absolutely no protective barrier of any kind—just like that, I nope outta that dangerous scene and wind up shooting some One Life To Live scenes with very attractive gals. This seems to be going well until a sudden skip to a local neighborhood market.

I buy some goods and head to line, where Kenny Loggins allows me to cut in front of him. "You were the greatest teacher ever!!!" I sob, for God knows what reason. Loggins responds appropriately by moving to another line; end vision.

Wrong Sport (October 15, 2020)

I am playing football, on my way to a long touchdown run. Over my right shoulder is LeBron James, running at full speed attempting to execute his signature chasedown block. Halfway through his jump he realizes there's nothing TO block since we're playing football, not hoops, so he just lands on my back. I carry him to the end zone before the vision skips to even less interesting stuff.

Thanks For Stopping By, Joel! (October 8, 2020)

In the 1250 driveway, I play a game of strikeout with Joel Osteen. He displays a surprisingly good batting eye, and at one point hits a foul ball right into a jar on the balcony. "Praise Lord," he utters. Then suddenly, Osteen morphs into a special-needs woman from my past, who takes one swing and falls into a tarp.

Two large stray dogs pop out from under the tarp; they aren't dangerous but they are dirty, so I hose them off (as one stands up for maximum cleaning.)

Get Your Own Window! (October 7, 2020)

At the local grocery store, I spend way too much time trying to track down NBA stars LeBron James and Andre Iguodala guarding each other even while shopping. Finally, I give up and go outside...but my car is gone. While searching, I learn 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo is responsible for wrecking several of my uncle's cars, which are piled in a corner. Detective Skillz.

Skip to Josie's school; we pick up her friend who is crying because "they" took her window (?) I leap into hero mode, stop an administrator's car, and rip the entire window right out of the door. Josie's friend is more confused than grateful.

Finally, on a camping trip, my buddy Jon directs me to the top of a cliff, then throws a football about six feet over my head. Uh...trying to send a message?

By "This", I Mean Nuts (October 5, 2020)

Old teammate Eddie tells me he crashed his jet ski while staring at boobs. Unhurt, he wants me to talk him out of future risky behavior. I start to do just that, but when he argues, I burst into tears "I GREW UP WITHOUT A DADDY, AND THAT'S WHY I'M LIKE THIS NOW!!!" It seems to resonate.

That Baby Must Be Light (October 3, 2020)

I have a new baby with my ex, and we build his basinet out of Construx.

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