Night Visions, October 2022
Codes: "IRL" = "in real life". "INV" = "in Night Vision", meaning untrue in real life.
"Skip" means a sudden transition from one segment to another. "The 1250" references my childhood home, a (too) frequent setting for my visions. Josie is my daughter, and most of my life has been spent with Chicken and Alex as friends. Any other people referenced, past jobs worked at or life experiences are real unless otherwise noted.
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(Dates of awakening listed)
Foreclosed On MOST Of The House (October 29, 2022)
The 1250 is now made up entirely of four walls, forming about 1.5 total rooms. Yet, my uncle still lives there, although he laments the loss of the stuff he had when it was a normal-sized house.
Eventually, I bump into my uncle's "Asian roommates", who I'm not familiar with. In fact, I have to randomly ask "How was SoCal?" just to tell one from the others.
The Teen Made Contact? Unacceptable (October 28, 2022)
As MLB star Max Scherzer, I'm in a mansion pitching to former MLB star Nick Swisher, some teen girl, and Jeff Daniels as he stands on a payphone. I use my filthy changeup to get all three to fly out.
No Lo Creo, Skillz (October 26, 2022)
I am lost and confused in a series of all-white hallways. I burst through one door and hold the Mexican Richard Karn at gunpoint briefly before ruling him out as a threat.
Our Boss Sucks (October 25, 2022)
The A-Team and I are tasked with stopping Native Americans from entering the public library. We do our job, tossing out anyone and everyone who could even pass for NA, B.A eventually crashes his van inside the building for no reason, and the vision ends.
Isn't That A Company? (October 24, 2022)
I'm Angels superstar Mike Trout, and I announce my retirement from MLB to some random shop class. Nobody really cares, not even when I claim stuff that belongs to "Skillz", who's evidently in said class.
Skip to me trying to give Giants broadcasting legend Mike Krukow a Pablo Sandoval bobblehead—but he has it already. So I pick up baby Josie and ride to my aunt's house, where Krukow happens to be present as well. I ask him who he'd punch out if he ever saw them again, and he answers "if he's drunk...Edward Pacific" who's apparently a former low-level Giants prospect. Kruk doesn't elaborate further; I'm just relieved I'm not the person he'd punch out.
Don't Come Suing Us Later (October 23, 2022)
I umpire a Seattle/Toronto game with several close calls down the right field line—all of which go against host Toronto. This prompts frustrated fans to storm the field; no one does anything to remove them, so they just loiter about as the game continues.
Call Me Superficial...(October 22, 2022)
I'm in the audience of a nighttime talk show, on which Jackee Harry is a guest. Despite her advanced age, Jackee looks amazing...until she smiles, revealing two full sets of teeth. Bye-bye!
Skip to my grandma being unable to see after surgery, trying to sit on the can, and completely missing. I help her back up, and then help her fulfull her wish of flying a toy plane.
We end with shootings at my new residence, with Josie's old Girl Scout troop leader and her family in my yard for some reason. No one seems hurt, but no one explains WHY they're there, either; the vision ends with me trying to figure out a tasteful way to sever ties to the family since they seem to have incited gunfire.
Cars On Cranes? What Could Go Wrong? (October 20, 2022)
Outside our local grocery store, a woman asks me to move even though I'm not in her way at all. I oblige, but then a runaway cart rams a bus and tractor trailer on the lot's far end. Moments later, another cart, same result—which leads me to believe these were NO accidents. They're too similar to the developments of 9/11!! But before I can sleuth...
...skip to me teaching my grandma about MLB star Freddie Freeman, mostly against her will. Then at a Reds game, I watch a prize car suspended high from a crane snap off, landing on the ferris wheel below. I make sure to not leave without my sketches as terror ensues.
Debra Barone Would Approve (October 19, 2022)
Somehow, Josie is taken from the street outside the 1250. I end up driving a bus to Italy (???) and befriend a video game-obsessed loser who I (correctly) suspect has her stashed in a nearby salon. I park my bus, bust into the salon, rescue Josie, and we book it out of there as the loser screams in anger. The bus has disappeared, so we escape with a cop via taxi. I don't do that Taken bulls----.
Skip to me as an EMT teamed up with a Lindsay Lohan-lookalike who I soon start crushing on. She jokingly tells me that "88% of anything that goes wrong will be your fault" and we proceed to have Thanksgiving dinner—which is a fish cake rather than turkey—at our base.
Sonny, Time To Go Cellular (October 16, 2022)
General Hosptal scenes: Carly tries to reach Sonny via phone, can't, then embarks down the side of a building when she thinks she DOES see him. They are united and attempt to call Sonny's phone some more—at that point, the camera pans to an empty room with a cut phone line as well as the phone operator's skeleton.
NO One Scores With Me Nearby. Not Even ME! (October 15, 2022)
I'm on a hoop team opposing the Golden State Warriors. I dominate SO well on defense, especially against 7-footer James Wiseman, that I invite myself to take shots that I had no business taking. The scoreboard lists me as 2-for-13 shooting, but no one minds because of my outstanding D.
What, Y'All Have Bathroom KEYS? (October 14, 2022)
MLB star D.J. LeMahieu's INV ex stops me in a corridor to chat, but I say little and leave to poo. Eventually, DJL himself enters the can with me as the ex waits outside; I have issues flushing my poo and remain in the bathroom. A bit later, Kurt Russell (apparently DJL's brother) shows up in the john too, also with the ex outside. The stuck poo has increased in size, but Russell is non-plussed.
My Rendition Must Have Truly Sucked (October 12, 2022)
After playing the Eagles' "Hotel California" on the guitar, I puke on my cousin's floor, then work to defeat One Life To Live psycho Dr. Spencer Truman, who's planning to use the hospital's water supply in some evil plot.
Truman has an army of backup, though, and a battle begins outside the hospital. Even though Andre Braugher (probably in character as Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine-Nine) is fatally bludgeoned in the fight, me and the other good guys are able to stop Truman and friends!
If You Build It, They Will Disrobe (October 9, 2022)
Riding with local sports radio hosts Damon & Ratto—after WWE legend Triple H buys my groceries for me—I end up in Palo Alto, CA where people are using open cubicles as dressing rooms at Nordstrom's without a care. Before I can fully "enjoy the views"...
...skip to my boy Juan's house, where it is eerily silent despite several guests. I remove my shoes just as Juan's mother passes by; the odor staggers her. My bad.
Stop Spying; I'm Right Here! (October 8, 2022)
I step outside the 1250 to discover animal corpses in the yard being devoured by vultures/buzzards. So I just mozy on to the back yard where my ex, for God knows what reason, is trying to climb ladders and peer in windows—continuing even after noticing me. I don't know what else to do but steady the ladders as she climbs.
Change Is BAD (October 7, 2022)
At the 1250, my uncle is highly displeased that someone changed his sheets without his permission/knowledge. The bastards!
Good For The Goose? Good For The Gander? Oh, Sela (October 6, 2022)
I console an unhappy teen, then learn there was a bank robbery at the 1250 (?). Upon investigation, it turns out the "robbery" was just four special-needs clients of my cousin behaving wildly and getting hurt. Once things are calm, I catch a bus across town.
On said bus, I watch a plane trying to go up the road but stuck behind a SLOW ass car driver, who eventually stalls us as well. I exit the bus and learn the car driver is arguing with some chick (on foot) about stolen jewelry, ausing the holdup. I pass them, a couple of dead geese and a ho version of Sela Ward passed out a few feet away from the geese...draw your own conclusion.
Chrishelle IS Cute... (October 5, 2022)
Actress Chrishelle Stause is hanging around the 1250, as is Bobby Brown, who wants to be arrested just for the attention but is denied by the cops—in part because some dog named Caesar is leaving a big glob of DNA in some nearby grass and has their attention.
Skip to Benihana's at my ex's apartment; we dine, re-bond and invent a new Three's Company starring a referee and two others. Some loser teen in the "restaurant" manages to pick my pocket twice, however, and my old/new relationship ends.
Why Is Everyone Leaving??? (October 2, 2022)
Unprompted, I decide to perform the old Elton John song "Little Jeanie" to a diner full of customers. Eventually, John himself materializes as if the song summoned him somehow.