Blog: Now I'm Gonna Heave This Up, Never Gonna Live This Down
(originally written 2/9/12)
At first mention it sounds like the overlord sent from the planet Tortillon to wipe out the world's Chalupa supply.
It's not. It's a fast food joint.
Not just any fast food joint, however—it's kind of a Wendy's/Taco Bell hybrid, only tastier and cheaper. How cheap? Try $0.59-taco cheap. Yesterday I bought exactly 54 of them. Okay, that's a stretch, I bought 12. After a busy afternoon that included climbing and shopping and blood-donation, Josie and I combined to wolf down 10 of them. (Don't judge; the bloodman said make my next meal hearty!)
By 22:00 I was little more than an animated corpse. Once I collapsed on that bed that was it—Brooke Elliott herself could have climbed in and I was NOT MOVING. Not even Jesus would have gotten a reaction.
JESUS: Skillz, my son? I've come to impart upon you the meaning of life.
ME: Naw, fool, I'm tryin' to sleep, man!
Needless to say, refrigerating leftovers ranked very low on the to-do-list; It wasn't until arising at 7:00 this morning that I realized my gaffe. Mind you: this was far from the first time I've found myself in the position of choosing between wasting food/money and risking my personal health—back in my common-law husband days, the ex would often falsely answer the question "Did you put the food away?" with "Yup". But I'm not here to talk about the past.
With a lifetime batting average of 1.000 in these situations, it's an easy choice—I'll fridge the tacos, then eat them this afternoon. Even if the lettuce has turned slightly and the shells now feel more like soap. I'll gladly risk a couple days of unlikely sickness over wasting $1.18.
Well, I just ate the tacos. They smelled and tasted okay enough. So rather than admit I'm the dumbest dude in California, I'm choosing to believe that my sudden headache and massive stomach gurgles are completely unrelated to the fact I ate meat and cheese left out for almost 15 hours, and are in fact a result of inhaling gas released by a spaceship sent from the planet Tortillon.
Just in case this is the end...I seek forgiveness from those who I have wronged.