Night Visions, January 2017

Codes: "IRL" = "in real life". "INV" = "in Night Vision", meaning untrue in real life. 

"Skip" means a sudden transition from one segment to another. "The 1250" references my childhood home, a (too) frequent setting for my visions. Josie is my daughter, and most of my life has been spent with Chicken and Alex as friends. Any other people referenced, past jobs worked at or life experiences are real unless otherwise noted. 

 

 

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(Dates of awakening listed)

Santa Is LONG Gone! (January 20, 2017)

In some restaurant, it's my old classmate and former minor leaguer Dave Bernstine playing ball with some kids. I ask for an at-bat and he complies, giving me easy overhand tosses. With three balls and two strikes, I chop one and start to run, but no one is interested anymore and I'm just left there.

Later, I kick it with soap star Kiko Ellsworth. He makes fun of my muscles, and the only comeback I can muster is "Your Christmas stuff is still out."

Wow. Was It A Conspiracy? (January 19, 2017)

It's the Chicago Cubs vs...the Chicago Cubs. I'm playing third base when Sammy Sosa singles; I have to yell at Ryne Sandberg to get his attention before Sosa stretches his hit into a double. Sosa later takes a vacated third base, and I boot the next grounder hit to me. I'm about to quit but I return (with no one having even noticed me leaving) just in time to make a valiant effort on a popup by a dude I once knew IRL.

Just then: a sudden skip to a news broadcast; Ivanka Trump is riding in an open car a la JFK, and has her brains blown out a la JFK (but only mild spatter is shown).

Just Trust Me, It Was Weird (January 17, 2017)

This one starts a little mean: on a TV show, jocks befriend an ugly girl and then gang-toss her in a pool.

This one ends a little weird: the cast of Mike & Molly create a strange music video that I cannot effectively describe in words.

Does That Mean I Bit Her? (January 13, 2017)

I find myself at my uncle's house cuddling with some girl from high school. It's awkward and not too affectionate.

After a scene with two One Life To Live brothers going at it, the scene skips to me at some house, practicing performing Macklemore's "Can't Hold Us" with a group of strangers. In the other room, Josie is speaking 'hood ("My daddy crunched on me").

That Cannot Be Sanitary (January 12, 2017)

I take a walk from the 1250 and back, returning to find the door wide open. I prepare to confront the intruder and it turns out to be my Uncle Bubba playing some death-cheating board game with Josie. With my heart rate back down, I watch WWE, where Kane goes off on baseball star Alex Rodriguez pre-match (the match, sadly, is never seen). 

We close with a scene from ER where Dr. Corday needs surgery, and surgeon Dr. Benton breakdances onto her hospital table.

A Very Neglected Yard (January 11, 2017)

It's Three's Company; Janet knocks out "Mrs. Furley" and collapses on a couch. Jack finds Janet and dances with her KO'd body, twirling her and dipping her upside down. What joy.

Skip to me performing Mariah Carey's "Anytime You Need A Friend" onstage, then some more with my uncle. We later find said uncle's buddy keeping her husband's corpse in a room at the 1250. As I try to navigate the yard I'm confronted by a gator, then encounter a giant brunette in bed (outside?). Somehow, I accidentally plow her, but a poo ball pops out of me and I'm forced to distract her to clean it up undetected. Again...what joy.

Happy To Be All Right (January 8, 2017)

During a Law & Order case against a judge, he "has enough nonsense" and smashes a sneezeguard near the defendant's table (?). He's then arrested because it turns out he likes kids.

Skip to a high school assembly. Former classmate Jamar looks around, eyeing all the "uglies" in the crowd. He charitably declares me to look "all right". Me: "I'll take what I can get." Three girls sit around me and are so engaged in their conversation I get accidentally smacked in the face (without apology). So I do what any normal person would do, which is start playing with the hair of one of them.

Don't You Have Staff For This? (January 7, 2017)

Not much, just me at The Bold & The Beautiful's Spencer mansion trying to rescue fish out of water all over the premises.

...And Leave ME With The Mess (January 4, 2017)

I'm doing security outside our local Food Maxx, perhaps a little too well, because old folks enter the lot and then quickly leave upon seeing me. I spot a Target employee mysteriously smoking outside the building and struggle to figure out how that came to be. Then, at my aunt's house, two fish jump into each other and die.

Get It Together, You Two (January 2, 2017)

For some reason I'm walking my mom to work at a hospital. I take the wrong route back and end up on a freeway under construction, dodging cars in the narrow space. Barely making it home alive, I flip on the KTVU news and witness an on-air argument when "Tori" reads story in proper camera but "Sara" simultaneously reads into the wrong one and storms off the set.

I Didn't Really Care, But Thanks (January 1, 2017)

JFK is now buried in Vallejo, California; I drive through the cemetery to see his grave, unsuccessfully, and then we skip to a 2-on-2 hoop game.

A teen player keeps shoving me until I get fed up, but nearby a pregnant lesbian girl blocks traffic to yell at the girl she's in love with. With their entire school watching, they smooch, and I get an alert on my phone that there's "NO PREGNANCY".