Night Visions, May 2019
Codes: "IRL" = "in real life". "INV" = "in Night Vision", meaning untrue in real life.
"Skip" means a sudden transition from one segment to another. "The 1250" references my childhood home, a (too) frequent setting for my visions. Josie is my daughter, and most of my life has been spent with Chicken and Alex as friends. Any other people referenced, past jobs worked at or life experiences are real unless otherwise noted.
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(Dates of awakening listed)
Re Ain't Got No Pulse, Raggy! (5/30/19)
It's a Scooby-Doo murder mystery, albeit one with a prime suspect (old-school singer Stephanie Mills).
Aww, He So Crazy! (5/25/19)
We begin with me building a fake/real city for NewsRadio billionaire Jimmy James, but before I can show him my work he asks to be taken to the bathroom. In my INV apartment building, James enters the restroom but never exits, so I go next door where I join an episode of Martin. Martin's got a new baby, and he's sexually harassing Tisha Campbell ("I like the jiggle of them thighs").
He's Boiling Hot! (5/24/19)
I'm Golden State Warriors big man DeMarcus Cousins, closely guarded by an opponent as I try to throw pens in pots.
Buying—And Acting—Chicken (5/21/19)
As I shop for groceries, a pair of likely gangbangers start adding things to my cart, and you know, since they're bangers, I do not offer any resistance. We get to the checkout line, and I realize half "my" stuff is missing—the two bangers have offered themselves a five-finger discount and are loading the pilfered goods outside.
I later track down one banger's hangout and ask if he wants his bloody bat back (how it got bloody isn't explained). In code, the thug refuses, just as a cop pulls up behind me. Obviously, it looks as if I led the cops there, and I start to freak—until the banger is sniped by someone. It isn't the cops, because they end up sniped as well.
Turns out the sniper is INV ex-cop Beth Riesgraf (Leverage), who is taking people out with guns as well as projectiles. In some fancy dining hall, we clash and I shove her to her head-splattering death.
Lastly, Rihanna wants the 1250 garage all to herself and says so; my attempts to punk her go nowhere.
Granny G-Cup (5/20/19)
As I walk aimlessly through the neighborhood, my path is blocked by a trio of senior ladies throwing a ball around. Since one of them is still well-endowed, I attempt an "impressive" diving catch of a wayward throw, but fail miserably.
Anybody Order Feline Fillet? (May 15, 2019)
Things begin with me shopping at the grocery store; a song starts playing and I must organize the "late-night" shelf before the song is over. Or else what, I'm not sure, but I don't want to find out and end up slipping and sliding across the floor in my haste to finish.
Next, long-ago Philadelphia Phillies Lenny Dykstra and Darren Daulton are each convinced they'll be the highest paid Phillie, and the three of us end up wrestling in the 1250 driveway as if that'll help.
When that's done, I enter the 1250 to tend to my two dozen goldfish. One keeps swallowing all the "food", which is colored marbles/jewels, forcing me to repeatedly hoist him upside-down to empty him out.
Things end with me at Heald College; as I park the car a cat sits on it, but by the time I exit it's stuck to the hood and dissolving into a sticky pile of fur.
His Anaconda (May 4-10, 2019)
It's the WWE Royal Rumble! At the end, it's a member of Demolition (who was active in the 1990s) battling Sherri Shepherd for the title. Also, I'm anxious because I must break it to Jay Leno that he has four other wives.
Uncle Phil from The Fresh Prince teaches Will how to sell drugs to another uncle properly. After the lesson, Will is able to walk through doors like a ghost for some reason.
Next, at the 1250, a buddy tells me a "sex" story that is actually just about a snake.
82-year-old Mike Ditka is brought to a charity golf event by his son, he absorbs the cheers from some obvious Bears/Saints fans, then takes two steps forward and plummets feet-first down an embankment. (He seems OK.)